Category Archives: Uncategorized

Drowning in the moonlight

Standard

I always enjoy when the moon comes out to play. It lights up the ground before me, but I get shadows to explore and watch the bright stars above.

Full moons and the ocean make me think more than anything else . I am not sure what is, but both cause me to be still, which is something I rarely am. Being still allows me to try to listen to God since he ordered us to do that almost everywhere in the Bible.

I am downright horrible at staying at rest. You know what they say about bodies in motion and bodies at rest. I never like mine to be not moving. Right now, I feel like my life is in limbo. I am not really sure what my purpose for being home this summer is. I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing.

As of the past couple of weeks, I feel like I am walking outside on a night like tonight. Occasionally I am in the light and can see where I am going, but often times I find myself stumbling in the dark among the scary branches and the deep shadows.

I wish understood how to truly relax. How to truly become at ease. Hopefully, this summer can teach me how to do that. Perhaps, people are one extreme or the other because I certainly haven’t found a happy medium yet. For some reason, I feel like I must be the Energizer bunny who never quits moving. For those of us that are emotionally incompetent, downtime to lay around and simply think is never easy, and probably making us want to move even more.

Thoughts of my planner trickle by along with dates and deadlines, not to mention the emotions and thoughts I just never want to really handle or confront. Behind every facade and face is a person with thoughts and feelings we probably never realized he or she had. The most composed people always surprise me when adversity strikes. Maybe being composed isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

My mind is restless like it is every night. The noise of my fan and curtains rustling against the blinds aren’t the lullaby that will put me to sleep tonight. Not even the Golden Girls can silence this pensive mood that is weighing down my thoughts.

I don’t what I am supposed to do this summer or what I need to see. I want to learn what it’s like to not microanalyze every decision and thought. Traveling this path probably won’t be easy. It’s sorta like the moonlight. The moonlight only takes you so far and the journey has to be slow.

Advertisements

The Fast Lane

Standard

This picture is similar to how my life is right now. All over the place with no real direction. Taking 18 hours and working for Sidelines puts me all over the map. I go to school, interview people, transcribe, try to be social, write and article or two, and go to sleep. Well, I sleep sometimes. Usually sleep is at the bottom of my list of things to do.

Right now, it’s four o’clock in the morning, and I just woke up from essentially sleeping 18 hours in about the past 36. College is just a tiring place. A younger friend of mine apparently visited campus the other night. He told me because I had Lucky Charms and ice cream in my dining hall that I was livin’ the life. Oh, how that is not exactly true.

The past two months have been crazy. I feel like my head is spinning most of the time. I am not sure how it is already March. Wasn’t it just Christmas yesterday? I love my life going fast. I usually can’t stand it going any other way. Sometimes, I wonder though. If my life were to keep at this fast pace until die, what would happen?

I feel like I am in a car blowing by the world at 100 mph. I fear that I am going to run into something or someone and spiral out of control. Life feels pretty unsteady when it’s in the fast lane.

2012 To-Do List

Standard

So in a short few days, the ball will drop on Times Square, and we have a brand new year, a fresh slate. I always love the beginning of each new year. For me, it’s filled with endless possibilities, and I always look for new ways to make myself a better person.

A few days ago, my friend Milton asked if I had any resolutions. I couldn’t think of any except the fact that I want to lose weight. What girl doesn’t set herself that goal at the dawning of the new year? Other than that, I couldn’t think of a single one.

I’ve tried making my resolutions stick since middle school. But around the middle of January, I usually find myself back to my old habits and routines, and my resolutions are absent. So for this new year, I decided upon a different approach. Yes, I want to be a better person, but I am not going to do it through resolutions.

Call it a bucket-list if you want, but I really don’t plan on dying in 2012 even though most people think the world is going to end. I don’t. Jesus is way more creative with that. Like He’s really going to let the world know when it’s going to end? Yeah right.

For 2012, I’ve made a to-do list of things, places, and tasks I want to do. All of the items on my list I have never done or been able to fully complete before now.

The List in the making

  1. Fly a kite
  2. Read 50 books in a year
  3. Read the entire Bible in 364 days
  4. Go somewhere I’ve never gone before
  5. Photograph something incredible
  6. Color an entire coloring book
  7. Successfully do yoga
  8. Somehow run a mile each day
  9. Try sushi
  10. Play in the rain barefooted
  11. Visit my best friend at UTC
  12. Master five songs on the guitar
  13. Learn how to use bar chords on the guitar
  14. Learn how to properly use Photoshop
  15. Make myself more vulnerable
  16. Keep a journal each day
  17. Try everything on the Starbucks menu
  18. Lead others to Christ
  19. Be bold in my faith
  20. Go back to Memphis
  21. Watch all of the Star Wars movies–even though I didn’t even like the first one
  22. Straighten my mom’s insanely curly hair
  23. Write a blog at least once a week
  24. Watch every episode of Psych
  25. Shoot a gun–like at a target or can. I just felt the need to clarify.
  26. Take a road trip with just friends
  27. Take a road trip just me and mom
  28. Write a poem worth reading
  29. Bake 100 cookies and randomly give them away
  30. Start writing a novel
  31. Write a song
  32. Build a sand castle
  33. Make fried pies
  34. Be in a flash mob
  35. Climb a tree
  36. Document my entire day with a camera
  37. Go completely silent for one entire day
  38. Make dinner for my family and friends
  39. See an SEC team play that I’ve never seen before
  40. Do a one handed push-up
  41. Stay in Barnes and Noble for an entire day
  42. Visit the creepiest, scariest, most haunted house I can find on Halloween
  43. See an 80’s band in concert
  44. Let my dog ride in my car with his head hanging out the window
  45. Go to more than 5 concerts
  46. Stay an entire night at Bonnaroo
  47. Sleep outside in the summer without a tent in my yard
  48. Make 4 new friends
  49. Go horse back riding
  50. Vote in the election
  51. Paint something for my apartment
  52. Throw someone a surprise party
  53. Finish a scrapbook
  54. Work an entire jigsaw puzzle by myself
  55. Learn how to play one song on the piano
  56. Make a snow man with 3 people–providing that it snows
  57. Learn how to sew on a button
  58. Straighten my hair every day for an entire week
  59. Do a backhandspring at MTSU
  60. Win a game of laser tag
  61. Make someone’s day


Perspective is a lovely hand to hold

Standard

For the past two and half weeks, I have become more than obsessed with my recent art project. What was just a simple doodle board of my name to put in my dorm room next year evolved into me actually enjoying art.

I begged my art teacher for the past semester to do the doodle project. It consisted of using simplistic Crayola markers and Sharpies to hide five adjective about ourselves in our doodles.

Since our last project involved carving linoleum and me cutting my hand in four different places, it was definitely a change of pace.

My art project went everywhere with me the two full days I worked on it. I worked on it in almost every class, and it took some restraint not to haul it to church with me.

I have gotten to the point where I am now making name doodles for other people because I enjoy it so much.

However this past weekend,  I took a step up from my Crayola markers and began to paint. I discovered I wasn’t so bad when it painting when it came to VBS decorations so I thought why not.

Funny thing is I cannot paint standing up. I find it be incredibly awkward. So for the past three days, I have been sprawled in my kitchen floor painting another name doodle for someone else.

Painting requires perspective though as does anything you will draw. Seeing everything from a different angle helps. Sometimes though, I have gotten too close with what I am working on that I forget to see the big picture. In fact, the image I would be working on would morph into something totally different.

In life though, we get too close to our problems at hand, and we lose perspective. When I paint, I can become so concentrated on one certain aspect that it starts taking over my entire project, and I eventually I have to take a step back, evaluate where to go from there, and try again.

We do that with issues we handle as well except sometimes we don’t take a step back and let it engulf us entirely.

I have definitely felt like that especially in dealing with stuff that’s been thrown at me in life right now. However, God doesn’t want us to lose our perspective.

Relient K puts it best when talking about perspective in their song “Part of It.”

“And when a nightmare finally does unfold
A nightmare finally shows
It’s not the end of the world
Just a calamity
And we’re a part of it
Everyone
We’re a part of it
Everything
And when a nightmare finally does unfold
Perspective is a lovely hand to hold”

In the past month my life has drastically changed. Sometimes it requires us stepping back to see things a different way or perhaps it takes another person to give a new way of looking at things.

We can’t lose perspective, though. When we do, we forget the picture at hand and might miss what God has been trying to show is all along.

Falling Down 101

Standard

Recently, I learned that I can sit myself into the bottom of the filing cabinet. The filing cabinet even tried to file me as the bottom drawer started rolling to a close.

However, I just didn’t decide to see if I can fit in a filing cabinet. No, I tripped or rather tripped over backwards and landed in the bottom drawer.

As I was reaching for a camera battery and memory card that was slightly out of my reach, and I tripped over backwards. The camera went flying and so did the battery.

Neither the camera nor the battery were damaged during such an incident, but my backside sure did hurt. Of course it had to be in front of people, but it was at least people that I know who love me.

Friday afternoon was a complete disaster of an afternoon as nothing was working out the way I wanted it.

I fall a lot of the time especially when I am stressed, and Friday was one of those days. My filing cabinet fall wasn’t the only one of the day either.

As I was scrambling to the board to erase something, I tripped on a tub of papers on the way back to my computer face first.

Most of the time I bounce right back up or I always try to anyways. Well, I didn’t bounce right up that one time I fell into the recycling bin. There was no bouncing out of the recycling bin. That actually required getting up slowly since I wedged myself into a small orange box full of papers.

However, we fall down. I fell down in life Friday too along with literally falling on my face. To say we are too balanced to fall down would not be true.

Everyone falls down in different ways though. Sometimes we might be the most balanced person in the world when it comes to walking, but behind the mask we hide behind everyday, we are unbalanced emotionally.  When we are unbalanced, we fall whether it be with our emotions, relationships, or literally.

It doesn’t matter how we fall; it matters how we get back up. Life is hard. There is not doubt about that. Edmund Vance Cooke says it best in his first stanza of his poem “How Did You Die?”

“Did you tackle that trouble that came your way
With a resolute heart and cheerful?
Or hide your face from the light of day
With a craven soul and fearful?
Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or a trouble’s an ounce,
Or a trouble is what you make it.
And it isn’t the fact that you’re hurt that counts,
But only how did you take it?”

Point is we are going to fall. We are going to get hurt. We might hurt so much our heart aches, and it just snowballs into even more problems. Our problems are bound to make us incredibly sad or so angry that it can’t be contained. Our attitudes mean everything, though. No one is entitled to a terrible attitude no matter what.

But no matter the problem, it is always going to revolve with how you take it.

If I didn’t get back every time I fell or landed in a filing cabinet or a recycling box, I wouldn’t learn anything. We are going to fall down. It’s what we learn from getting back up that matters.


Do you quack like a chicken?

Standard

Starting September 5 at five o’clock, I had twenty kids. I had little ninjas and ballerinas, and yes I even had some chickens. Of course they are not all my kids. I half them with my co-leader at church who started the new kids program we have.  We didn’t know what to expect when we started J.A.M. or Jesus And Me. All we knew is that we had kids ready to serve God with their talents.

Today, our little chickens and ninja showed off their alter-egos in front of the church in two different services. I was proud of them. While dealing with kids is fun, it can also be frustrating. However, my J.A.M. kids surprised me. They knew what they were doing after all.

The whole purpose of the skit was that we can act any certain way, but that does not necessarily mean we are what we say we are. That is exactly what the kids portrayed today. Some rolled on stage with their ninja moves trying to be the next Karate Kid or mimicking the moves from the Wii.

Some of my other kids were clucking like chickens, and no none of them laid eggs on the altar. The narrator of the skit always pointed out they were not really “chickens” or “ballerinas.” Our fourth grade narrator really got the point of that across when the “Christians” took center stage. The narrator asked if they were going to heaven and if Jesus was in their hearts. Since the “Christians” answered no to all of the above, the narrator proceeded to tell them what they needed to do get real and make their hearts right.

At the end of their performance the kids asked the audiences what was in their hearts. I was proud of all my J.A.M. kids at that point. They understood the message they were representing. I hope it made so people realize they can’t keep quacking like chickens.