My friends tell me I am little miss perfect because I am always anal over the smallest mistakes and strive to be on top no matter what the goal is. However, I am not even close to that seven letter word. I am not even close to being the perfect editor or achieving the perfect grades or ACT scores. In fact, I feel like Mr. Runner Man up above. On most occasions, I feel like a failure with a capital F. My best is never good enough to amount to anything, or that is what it feels like the majority of the time.
Sad thing is, I know I have been like this ever since I was five. I remember crying over my one and only yellow card in kindergarden. And every time I see my former fifth grade English teacher, she never hesitates to retell me the story of the time I sobbed over a 96 I made on a worksheet. I don’t even remember it, but she still does to this day.
It hasn’t got any better either especially when it comes to subjects or sports that I am supposed to be good at doing. I can’t tell you the number of times I have beat myself up over the simplest things. A 103 in A.P. U.S. History? No, not good enough. An 88 on my first college paper ever? No, this calls for divulge in chocolate and some Sun Drop to make this feeling of failure to disappear. I didn’t catch that soccer ball right, yet I saved it. Is that good enough? No.
I am awful at beating myself up over the little stuff. My new year’s resolution was to stop being a perfectionist, and at 10 o’clock on day five of 2011, I already failed at trying to stop being a perfectionist. I didn’t do as well as I wanted on the ACT. I won’t lie. I was upset. I screamed at my mother, and yes a tear fell on my pinstripped pants at my feeble attempts to bite my tongue and not cry.
However, I don’t think I am the only one who is like this. There are other perfectionist out there it just might be with different passions or things they are good at too. I am trying. Trying to get rid of this nasty habit. I don’t like being this way. It is okay to make a mistake even though I grudgingly admit this. Mistakes make us human. There was only perfect person to ever walk this Earth. I am not that perfect person nor will I ever be. I intend to stick to my resolution and perhaps by the end of the year, I won’t be crying over the little things that will never really matter.